Lebowski FC had its first loss in the Conejo Valley Fall Soccer League last night, when it was defeated by FS Blue Lighting by the score of 3 x 5. Battling an opponent with much younger and faster players, Lebowski was handicapped by the absence of four of its knights due to work commitments, and lost no less than three athletes in the game due to injuries.
Troubles started even before the game itself: during warm-ups, Boris overextended his right leg when attempting to execute his trademark, ballet-inspired Borischnikov somersault. Despite nasty pains near his, well, precious privates, “Die Mauer” sacrificed himself for the team and lined-up for the kick-off nonetheless.
Already in the first minutes it became clear that the green-and-yellow squad would face a strong challenge. But the Lebowskis were ready for the battle: the arrival of Garo to the midfield much increased the skill level at that sector of the pitch; at the same time Brian and the Vanecko Brothers worked in sync at the front. And after a well-coordinated team action - that started with Ricardo, yesterday playing chiefly in the right sector of the field –, Todd opened the score with a nice cross-kick from the right in the seventh minute.
Unfortunately Boris' groin pains were too much to cope with and he had to leave the field, going home to hug his Steiff teddy bear in the bathtub. The early loss of “Die Mauer” affected the Lebowski defense, and Blue Lighting tied the game soon afterwards.
Things got tougher when Lebowski conceded a second goal: Adam, who was an excellent sweeper in yesterday’s game, was forced to cover the right back as well, playing against two – and sometimes three – attackers at the same time. This left the center defense open, and Blue Lighting got to the net again, turning the table to 1 x 2.
Lebowski tried to come back, playing at the same fast pace as their unfairly young opponents. This tactic backfired: the most senile players started to get tired, and the dangerous dead zone between defenders and midfielders led to scary moments. Speaking of senility, it was then that Sal – in a sheer demonstration of urgent need for geriatric care - made a bizarre error, mistaking a Blue Lighting attacker by Bart and letting him run free along the sideline. The ball was launched to this fellow, who got it on Sal’s back and widened the score to 1 x 3.
A few minutes later Justin received an undeserved yellow card when a Blue Lighting player faked an injury - just as a good scoring opportunity was brewing for Lebowski. Fortunately Todd was able to hit again near the end of the first half, bringing the game to 2 x 3.
Despite the negative first half, the Lebowski players remained confident for the remaining 25 minutes. With Adam having a great night, the Lebowskis took the game in their hands and Garo equalized the score in a beautiful play, in which he passed two Blue Lighting opponents before shooting to the goal.
Shortly later, though, things started to fall apart for our gallant honchos. Enthused by the 3 x 3 on the board, and envisioning a second win in as many games, more and more Lebowski players begun to descend to the attack. That was brave – but rather suicidal. Playing in quick counter-strikes, Blue Lighting scored the fourth goal with relative ease. The maroon team did not relent the pressure – and, attacking fiercely, hit the Lebowski FC posts two times in the space of three minutes.
Oh yeah, it was tough. And it did not help that the #@&^%$[! referee marked a penalty against the green-and-yellows when John touched the ball by the endline. According to the whistleman, John would have done so inside of the arch zone; the older Vanecko argued that the ball had already cross the line, and was outside of the field. This complaint fell on deaf ears, but fortunately the Blue Lighting dude the kicking the penalty managed to miss it (hahahaha!). Such a mistake was received with a deep sigh of relief by our Dan Litts – who, as Garo, made his first outing with our glorious striped jersey last night.
Again there was some hope that the Lebowski team would catch up - but that was tragically dashed when the worst happened: Todd suffered a seriously sprained ankle dicing for the ball with a Blue Lighting defender. With acute pains, the Lebowski FC striker tried to resume playing after taking a few minutes to rest, but that was impossible. Todd’s injuries may actually sideline him for a while, and he may miss the next game because of it. In fact, it transpired after the game that Todd will undergo medical examination by the team proctologist, Dr. Dent, before being cleared to return to the squad.
Losing the youngest Vanecko affected Lebowski FC articulating power. This opened more space to the maroon team, who scored its fifth goal after having missed countless opportunities. The night came to a bizarre close, as Bart sprained his ass in the last minutes of the game. As confirmed today by a special bulletin issued by the FIFA, it was the first time in the history of soccer that a player had a butt contusion in the practice of the beautiful sport. Bart thus joins Boris and Todd in the waiting room of Dr. Dent’s proctology practice.
The final score, 3 x 5, came cheap; a more elastic result in favor of FS Blue Lighting would not have been surprising. The main takeaway is that after winning the first game by a wide margin, Lebowski believed that this one would not be so difficult to put in the bag. Well, not quite. Many lessons were learned yesterday, and yours truly is sure that the mighty gladiators will bounce back with a vengeance against F. S. United next week.
And, if they don’t, it doesn’t really matter. It’s all for fun.
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