Results, classification and statistics - round 8

Results - round 8 of 10 - November 3rd:

Blue Lightning	5	x	2	Lebowski FC
RockStarz	2	x	3	Celtics
Amgen Eagles	5	x	1	Mac Attack
F.S. United	8	x	3	Code Blue

Classification - round 8 of 10:

	Team	P	W	T	L	GS	GC	GB
1	Celtics	24	8	0	0	59	20	+39
2	RockStarz	16	5	1	2	35	28	+7
3	F.S. United	13	4	1	3	38	20	+18
4	FS Blue Lightning	13	4	1	3	32	39	-7
4	Amgen Eagles	12	4	0	4	29	18	+11
6	Lebowski FC	12	4	0	4	30	24	+6
7	Mac Attack	4	1	1	6	24	45	-21
8	Code Blue	0	0	0	8	16	69	-53

Lebowski FC strikers - after 8 rounds:

Player	Goals
Garo	8
Brian	4
Dan	3
Todd	3
Adam	2
John	2
Ogo	2
Ricardo	2
Bart	1
Bobby	1
Justin	1
Sal	1

Yellow cards - after 8 rounds:

Player	Cards
Cesar	1
Justin	1
Ogo	1
Paul	1
Shane	1

Fermentation Is on The Way

The picture above was obtained with exclusivity by the Lebowski FC Official Blog: taken at the secret cellars of the Tiemens Brouwerij, it shows the batches of Kölsch and Londoner-style porter brewed for the post-season team barbecue. The party is scheduled for December 12th.

The tank on the left is the secondary fermenter, currently holding the Kölsch - whilst the porter undergoes primary fermentation in the vessel on the right. Also depicted is Anatoli Sergueyevich Polykarpov, the professional beer bouncer at the factory. Known as the "Black Bear of the Urals", Gospodín Polykarpov is also a martial arts enthusiast and is often seen in UFC specials. He has RockStarz players for breakfast.

Steady As She Goes, 5 x 0

Playing steadily and on a cadenced pace, Lebowski FC reached its fourth victory in the Conejo Valley Soccer League when it beat Code Blue by the score of 5 x 0 on October 27th. The match, held at the West Pitch of the Borchard Community Center, was followed by throngs of green-and-yellow supporters. However, this fanatic crowd of Young Urban Achievers actually missed most of the goals, since most of them took place in the second half - when bedtime had already passed and a new episode of Yo Gabba Gabba was being broadcast on Nick Jr.

Without Ogo Egbuna, Adam Shaywitz (out of town in business trips) and Shane Williams (injured), Lebowski was also forced to cope with additional problems as a replacement for Todd Vanecko was not found in due time. Additionally, Cesar Libanati and Justin Tvetan were not able to make to the stadium in time due to other commitments. All these absences drove the Lebowski squad to adopt a more cautious formation than what would have been expected against the last team in the league - as Code Blue had lost all of its six previous games.

The use of a rather conservative approach against an opponent with limited technical skills - even if a motivated one - meant that the first ten minutes were lukewarm, without clear opportunities of goal. Realizing that, Lebowski upped the rhythm - it was playing unusually slow until then - and such a shift had immediate results. In quick succession, four good chances were almost converted by Brian Stone, Garo Sarkissian (twice) and Ricardo Dent. There was also a shot by Paul Klekotka that scared the young children watching the game and would have gone into orbit if it hadn't hit - an almost brought down - a large pine tree first.

Building on the momentum, it was Brian who opened the score, receiving a pass from Garo and completing to the net. And... that was all. The first twenty-five minutes ended at 1 x 0, and that was too little for Lebowski, as the team counted on winning by a wide margin so to improve its goal balance.

Lebowski entered the second half with a more offensive formation, and it paid off: some five minutes into it, Bart rolled to Sal, who advanced into the opponent side and dribbled two opponents. Garo called for the ball, received it and precisely put it into the net, scoring the second goal of the game.

Gaining confidence, the Lebowski players begun to pressure Code Blue on its own terrain - it was this way that Sal stole the ball from one of Code Blue defenders, rushed forward and shoot with his left foot to move the score to 3 x 0. After a rotation of positions, Justin - who until then was displaying his multiple talents in a game for the basketball league -, replaced Paul in the midfield, Brian moved to the back and Ricardo shifted to the right front. And it was Mr. Dent that would be the intellectual culprit for the fourth goal, when he attempted a long shot; a Code Blue defender saved it, but as she committed a penalty for doing so inside of the arch zone. The masses claimed unanimously for Garo to take it on behalf of the Achievers, and the Armenian Michel Platini calmly pushed the ball to goal: 4 x 0.

Code Blue had few chances of scoring in the second half; the most dangerous ones were two shots from long distance - one of them, rather luckily, hit the pole. Credits should be paid to Bart, who played very solidly in the defense, and to the overall disposition of the green-and-yellow team for playing collectively and passing the ball instead of rushing inordinately to the attack. Also, the Lebowski dudes have progressively gained more confidence in the last rounds, and certainly "going for it" when blocking the other team's players or fighting for the ball.

Near the end of the game Lebowski brought the score to a final 5 x 0 when Sal passed to Garo, who turned around and launched for Dan to complete to the net with a fast shot. Shortly later the final curtain came down and the Achievers marched to their favorite watering spot - Magoo's, at Wendy Driver - to celebrate the victory with pitchers of Newcastle, orders of buffalo wings and a much welcome buffalo wing pizza topped with blue cheese. Such a healthy and invigorating diet follows strict recommendations of the team's nutritionist.

New week Lebowski will face Blue Lightning - in a direct fight for the third place in the table. The game, which promises much excitement, will be played at 18h45 at the East Pitch of the Borchard Community Center. See you all there!

Ogo to miss game against Code Blue

Ogo Egbuna - the ebony tower of the Lebowski FC defense - will miss this Tuesday's game against Code Blue. The green-and-yellow squad will face these opponents at the West Pitch of the Borchard Community Park, with the kick-off scheduled for 18h45.

"Big Oga", as Mr. Egbuna is also known, has an out-of-town business commitment that day. As such, he will not be able to line up besides his fellow Achievers for the team's next match in the Conejo Valley Soccer League.

In an e-mail addressed to Lebowski FC management Ogo, a defender who also proved his worth as a goal scorer - as demonstrated in last week's game between Lebowski and Celtics -, regretted being unable to participate in the upcoming match, and sent his best vibes to his team mates.

Results, classification and statistics - round 6

Results - round 6 of 10 - October 20th:

RockStarz	3	x	3	F.S. United
Amgen Eagles	2	x	3	FS Blue Lightning
Mac Attack	6	x	2	Code Blue
Celtics	5	x	2	Lebowski FC

Classification - round 6 of 10:

	Team	P	W	T	L	GS	GC	GB
1	Celtics	18	6	0	0	52	15	+37
2	RockStarz	13	4	1	1	28	22	+6
3	FS Blue Lightning	10	3	1	2	25	34	-9
4	Amgen Eagles	9	3	0	3	25	13	+9
5	Lebowski FC	9	3	0	3	23	19	+4
6	FS United	7	2	1	3	27	15	+12
7	Mac Attack	4	1	1	4	21	37	-16
8	Code Blue	0	0	0	6	13	56	-43

Lebowski FC strikers - after 6 rounds:

Player	Goals
Garo	6
Brian	3
Todd	3
Adam	2
John	2
Ogo	2
Ricardo	2
Bart	1
Dan	1
Justin	1

Lebowski FC yellow cards - after 6 rounds:

Player	Cards
Cesar	1
Justin	1
Ogo	1
Shane	1

Team names

A few corrections, curiosities and oddities about the names of the teams playing the Conejo Valley League:

Celtics

The best team in the league has been renamed simply Celtics for the current season. CSC 76 Celtics is the name it used in the Spring league. but it has been shortened for the Fall championship. Unfortunately the league commissioners overlooked this change when the Fall schedule was published, and only last week the correct name of the team was made public. By the way CSC 76 stands for Conejo Soccer Club 1976 - a reference to the year of foundation. Listing a club's foundation year in its name is common to German and Scandinavian squads, and the Conejo dudes followed such practice.

FS Blue Lightning

As suspected by the Lebowski FC management, the proper name of this team is Blue Lightning, and not "Lighting". There was a typo in the documents released by the league administration.

FS stands for Four Seasons, as the team players are employees of that hotel.

F.S. United

As for Blue Lightning, the F.S. United name means Four Seasons United. Note that United uses periods in the abbreviation "F.S.", but Blue Lightning does not - and this is a most important piece of information.

Kölsch is fermenting...

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a lift-off! Our batch of Kölsch has been brewed, and is now undergoing primary fermentation at the secret chambers of the Tiemens Brouwerij in Newbury Park. The photo above depicts the gigantic fermentation vessel that holds such a most precious beverage at the Tiemens plant. In celebration of the end-of-season Lebowski barbecue, this enormous tank has been decorated with a gigantic, football field-size green-and-yellow jersey.

Kölsch is a type of beer originally brewed in the region of Cologne, Germany. It's a top-fermented ale that uses a specific, unique yeast strain, leading to a light, gently fruity, medium-hopped beer that is great any season. Kölschen are dry and subtly sweet beers. The recipe in question has been a bit tweaked by an experimental combination of grains, so let's check out together in a few weeks or so...

Dan Litts is a Little Lebowski Urban Achiever!

The Lebowski FC blog congratulates Dan Litts for his outstanding performance in the game of October 20th against Celtics for the Conejo Valley Soccer League.

Dan started the game playing as a defender but shone as an attacker. He made a precise pass that allowed Ogo to score Lebowski's first goal in the match - and shortly later annotated himself a goal when he smartly infiltrated the Celtics defense. Dan would have also scored another one with a most impressive header if the referee had not invalidated it for pointing to an attacking foul way off the play...

For all this and much more our dear esquire Mr. Litts is the Little Lebowski Urban Achiever of The Game! Thanks, Dan!

(Sorry, dude, but my PhotoShop skills are too basic and I couldn't delete the chicken poo from your forehead)

A loss that earned pats on the back

"We didn't lose the game - it was a moral victory." This statement by Lebowski player Cesar Libanati summed well the confront between his team and table leaders Celtics for the sixth round of the Conejo Valley Fall Championship. Although the mighty Celtics beat the green-and-yellow squad by 5 x 2, Cesar and his mates earned pats on their backs for putting an outstanding fight - and came just short of a draw at the end of the game.

Although it's clear that the Celtics are head and shoulders above the other teams - both in terms of playing skills as well as in tactical excellence -, Lebowski upped the fight and managed two important feats. First, it is the team that conceded the least number of goals to Celtics - and this may well make a difference for the final classification at the end of the season. Second, Lebowski is the only team to score more goals than Celtics in a half-game, as it "won" the second half by 2 x 1, thanks to goals by Ogo Egbuna and Dan Litts.

The night, however, started in stinky manner - quite literally. The Borchard Community Park administration decided to make the best possible benefit of the previous week's rains - which had been so strong that caused the postponement of the previous round of the league - and applied a very generous layer of manure to the fields. Needless to say, five days after this shitty job the stench of partially decomposed fecal matter was still hovering above the pitch, making the appeal of playing soccer at the BCP a little less palatable than usual. Complains by the payers and drones of supporters that converged to the stadia turned into screams of horror in the very first minute of the preliminary game, when a FS Blue Lightning play fell face-first onto the ground - burying his eyes, nose and mouth in one and a half inch plaster of chicken and cow doo-doo.

Besides the unsanitary conditions of the field, Lebowski was further handicapped by starting the game with no replacements, but to everybody's relief Cesar and Ogo arrived just a few minutes after the kick-off. Regardless of such problems, Lebowski initiated the game in great form. With a well-structured formation - with four men in a compact, planted defense that was also supported by midfielders Ricardo Dent and Paul Klekotka - the Achievers managed to completely neutralize Celtics for the first ten minutes of the match. In fact, so good was the performance of the green-and-yellow army that Celtic attackers voiced his astonishment declaring "I didn't know these guys played this well!"

With time, though, the greater technical skills of the Celtics players - who were red jerseys in the match to distinguish themselves from the Lebowski colors - begun to prevail. In a brilliant attack by the right, a Celtics player passed by no less than three Lebowski men and finished with a strong kick to open the score. Lebowski continued to hold well for a few more minutes, but then fell over its own desires to push to the attack, and opened the midfield. This fragilized the team's positioning, and the Celtics came to a second goal when five of its players overcame a Lebowski defending line made up by only two men (who fell lonely and unloved in that moment).

Lebowski recomposed the midfield and was able to even the playing field again, but the final eight minutes of the first match were very unfortunate to the Achievers - as the team conceded two goals in rather unlucky circumstances. First, Sal saved a goal as the ball was zooming to the net, but the rebound hit the back of Cesar's neck and was left over to a Celtics female player to touch it and score. A similar unfortunate moment happened shortly later - when an opportunistic Celtics attacker kicked another rebound to the goal; he missed the aim, but the ball deviated in a Lebowski defender and brought the score to 4 x 0. This ended the first half, and such a dilated score by no means indicated how tightly fought the game had been; Celtics' superiority was marginal, and not as widen as these numbers may seem.

The last twenty-five minutes begun as the first had, with Lebowski able to dice face-to-face with the leading team in the league. But just as real scoring opportunities for Lebowski begun to follow one another - with Adam Shaywitz close to scoring at least two goals - once again bad luck struck the Achievers, and in a very unfortunate moment by Ogo the Celtics were able to get a fifth goal.

In spite of such undeserved score, the warring spirit of the brave men in green-and-yellow armor never ceased to fight - and the results began to appear. Sal, with a long pass, launched Dan Litts on the left of the field. The ball was quickly passed to Ogo, who finished it to the net: 5 x 1. Minutes later Dan infiltrated the Celtics defense after a play initiated by Ricardo Dent and scored Lebowski's second goal in the game.

Mr. Litts, in fact, was in a wonderful night - and would have registered the team's third goal with a beautiful header if the referee had not invalidated it, calling a foul by Cesar well off the play. The Celtics seemed stunned with Lebowski's ante and stamina, and were lucky not to have suffered goals from the feet of Brian Stone and Paul at the end of the game.

When the referee called the match to a close the score indicated Celtics 5 x 2 Lebowski - and, despite such negative numbers, the Achievers had several reasons to be happy. They had faced the best team of the league eye-to-eye and put a valiant fight, despite being unable to count with four key players due to injury or sickness. They had been, quite probably, the toughest opponent Celtics encountered, and in long stretches of the match managed to get the upper hand on it. They demonstrated tactical evolution, particularly with the tightening of the midfield and its connection to the defense. And, most importantly, they showed fighting spirit and dedication - not relenting a minute, no matter how much behind they were in a scoring table that would have been fairer if it were tightener. It may sound strange to say "congratulations" after a defeat, but is a very fitting word after what the Lebowskis showed on last Tuesday's game. Lebowski FC is in an upswing, and many greater things may be expected from it at the last four rounds of the season.

PS: Cesar's remark to a "moral victory" was a pull-of-leg on Sal. The 1978 World Cup, played in Argentina, was own by the home team. Brazil finished the competition in third place but the team's coach, the late Cláudio Coutinho, called the Canaries the "moral champions". That was a hint both to a supposed technical superiority of the Brazilian team as well as to allegations that the Argentineans had bribed the Peruvian team in the semi-finals. The expression "moral champion" has entered the soccer lexicon since, being used sometimes in praising manner, sometimes in sarcastic ways...

League returns with a mighty challenge for Lebowski FC

After the cancellation of last week's round due to the poor weather in Southern California, the Conejo Valley Soccer League resumes its schedule with a major challenge for Lebowski FC. The green-and-yellow team will face tonight the mighty CSC 76 Celtics.

CSC 76 Celtics won the Summer Championship after losing only one in twelve games played, and leads the current Fall Championship with five victories in five rounds. It is certainly the most skilled and technical squad amongst the eight teams in the league, with a masterful play from defense to attack.

The game between Lebowski FC and CSC 76 Celtics start at 19h45 and will be played at the West Pitch. After three rounds facing the poorer conditions of East Pitch, the Urban Achievers will enjoy the better lighting of the West field - and this will bring some relief to a team that also faces complications within its roster.

Shane "The Mower" Williams, who broke the index finger of his right hand in the match against Amgen Eagles will not return to the squad for at least three more weeks, handicapping the Lebowski defense. The midfield will feel the absence of Garo Sarkissian - the team's leading striker, with five goals scored - due to business commitments out of town. Finally, the presences of Todd Vanecko and Boris Jankowski are still hanging in the air.

All this will place more pressure over the striped jerseys - but its valiant gladiators are confident of a noble display of shiny antics against tonight's most formidable opponents. The management of Lebowski FC invites its millions of supporters in the five continents to follow the team's fight against Celtics by tuning their TVs to ESPN, who dropped the Major League Baseball just to cover the game, with live transmission from the Borchard Community Center.

"Die Mauer" is back

Boris and Little Lebowski Urban Achiever Ethan

After being absent in the last two rounds, portentous defender Boris Jankowski will be back to the Lebowski FC roster for tonight's game versus RockStarz. The green-and-yellow team faces the league's best co-ed team this Tuesday, with kick-off time scheduled for 19h45.

Boris got injured in the warm-up before the game against FS Blue Lighting on September 15th, when he hyperextended the right leg while attempting his trademark "Borischnikov" high kick. That was the first time Boris did such a thing since Willy Brandt was the Chancellor of West Germany. The resulting groin injury was serious enough that Boris left the field even before the start of the game - coincidentally, just in time for him to catch a re-run of Desperate Housewives.

Known by Lebowski supporters as "Die Mauer" for blocking opponents as well as the Berlin Wall did back in the day, Boris gave an exclusive interview to this blog. "After a few days I was already better, but then the move to our new place came up and I begun to feel pain again after working on that", he explained. "This made me miss last week game's too. It sucked being out of the team, but what you guys did was amazing!"

Now fully recovered, Boris can't wait to face RockStarz - last season's runner-ups and the only team to beat CSC 76 Celtics: "I'm looking forward to the game. This will be great - see everybody on Tuesday."

Results, classification and strikers - round 3

Results - round 3 of 10 - September 22th:

CSC 76 Celtics	9	x	1	Mac Attack
Code Blue	1	x	8	Amgen Eagles
Lebowski FC	2	x	1	F.S. United
FS Blue Lighting	2	x	5	RockStarz

Classification - round 2 of 10:

	Team	P	W	D	L	GS	GC	GB
1	CSC 76 Celtics	9	3	0	0	31	11	+20
2	F.S. United	6	2	0	1	22	5	+17
3	Amgen Eagles	6	2	0	1	16	6	+10
4	Lebowski FC	6	2	0	1	16	8	+8
5	RockStarz	6	2	0	1	14	11	+3
6	FS Blue Lighting	3	1	0	2	11	22	-11
7	Mac Attack	0	0	0	3	6	25	-19
8	Code Blue	0	0	0	3	3	31	-28

Lebowski FC strikers - after 3 rounds:

Player	Goals
Brian	3
Garo	3
Todd	3
Ricardo	2
Adam	1
Bart	1
John	1
Justin	1
Ogo	1

Yellow cards - after 3 rounds:

Player	Yellow cards
Justin	1
Shane	1

With tactical discipline, Lebowski beat F.S. United

Playing in a staunchly defensive style with admirable tenacity, Lebowski FC was the protagonist of one of the biggest surprises of the 2009 Conejo Valley Fall Soccer League so far. The green-and-yellow team threw a major upset by beating league leaders F.S. United by two goals to one, with brilliant midfielder Garo Sarkissian scoring twice. With this result Lebowski now has six points in its pocket, with two wins in the first three rounds of the season.

In a tone of lament, an FS United supporter said to the Lebowski players at the end of the game "You guys have been watching too much Italian soccer". That was, in fact, the best possible summary of yesterday's match. Facing a much younger and technically superior team, Lebowski played very defensively, with four players at the back and full dedication to blocking and destruction instead of creation. This concoction strictly followed the tenets of the traditional Italian school - to play not to lose, instead of playing to win. The Achievers' tightly abided to a rigid catenaccio that proved efficient even against the precise passes and fancy dribbles practiced by their opponents.

Already debilitated by the absences of John, Todd (both injured), Ogo, Ricardo, Javier (the three out due to business commitments) and Dan (AWOL), the night begun with additional concerns to Lebowski. First, Boris was vetoed by the Medical Department after feeling pain in his groin during a try-out a few hours early. Then came the news that Sal had twisted his right knee the day before, and would need to start the game from the sideline. In fact, it was even better to have him out anyway, as he was stinking Icy Hot so much that it seemed that a whole retirement home had camped by the side of the field.


Justin, Garo and Adam warm up for the match

Lebowski FC started the game as per the planned 4-2-1 scheme, with Shane "The Mower" Williams as a sweeper plus Cesar, Bart and Brian in the defense, followed by midfielders Adam and Garo, and then Justin as the single man in front (literally). While United begun the match with flair and a certain dose of overconfidence, the green-and-yellow players stood their ground and, simply put, refused to attack. Instead, our warriors resorted to a no holds barred style, systematically destroying all attempts made by F.S. United.

The trap worked. Frustrated, the white-and-black squad begun to inch forward more and more. This left their defense unprotected - and, in a quick counter-strike, Garo opened the score for Lebowski FC with a beautiful shot from far away. This surprising goal was another testimony to the team's commitment to the pre-game instructions, which included attempting far shots at any opportunity - something that Lebowski FC did not practice well in the defeat to FS Blue Lighting the previous week.

With such an advantage, Lebowski pulled back even more. F.S. United continued to exhibit nunchuck and bowhunting skills - but to no avail, as the Lebowski defense, counting with as many as six players at times, was dedicated not to concede a goal. And the four Lebowski defenders - now with Sal replacing Shane - were effectively forbidden of crossing the game midline.

And, yet again, a quick counter-strike by Lebowski proved mortal. Adam passed to Justin, who escaped quickly by the right and was fouled close to the arch line. A barrier of four United players was assembled to block the goal. When the infraction kick was whistled by the referee, Brian rolled the ball to Garo, who skillfully executed a master chip shot over the barrier, bringing the game to 2 x 0. Then minutes later the first half came to a close, with FS United players and supporters stunned by a disadvantageous score against a team they had been certain to win.

The final 25 minutes of the game followed the same rhythm: FS United was all technique and speed, while Lebowski FC played as rabidly as if someone had pissed on their rug. However, two factors now handicapped the Achievers: they played the second half against the lights, thus having a much compromised visibility of the game. Additionally, and more concerning, they only had one replacement at hand. With tiredness settling in after much running as single attacker, Justin moved to the defense. With this, Brian took Justin's place, and Adam and Shane rotated in the defense.

Continuously refreshed by a stream of young players, United kept pounding at the Lebowski gate until it finally cracked. Following a corner kick, Cesar deflected the ball away - but, unfortunately, from inside the arch zone, committing a free-kick penalty. Player #6 of FS United, whatever his name may be, softly kicked the ball to the net: 1 x 2. Enthused, F.S. United players upped the pace, but the Lebowski dudes remained firm, fighting as pitbulls, or bull terriers, or filas, or whatever breed Michael Vick has ever bet on. The warring drive and team spirit shown by the Achievers was formidable.

To the millions of members of the green-and-yellow nation the last fifteen minutes of the game were an agonizing countdown. But while Lebowski supporters bit their nails at the grandstands (well, actually there was only one, but let's go on with the poetic license here), their players remained calm and collected, focused on a single mission: defending at any cost. As time passed, the F.S. United men were the ones to lose their ways, with constant complaints to the referee and even discussions amongst themselves. And even though F.S. United dominated the possession of the ball, that was converted into only one critical goal opportunity - a violent shot following a foul kick, which zapped dangerously closed to the top bar. On the other hand, Lebowski counter-strikes almost paid back handsomely with Brian (from the left) and Adam (from the right).

Five minutes to go, four, three, two, one... it's over! The whole Lebowski team celebrated a hard-fought and much unexpected win; shout-outs, jumps and high-fives were heard and seen everywhere. After all, they had just beaten an opponent of much higher technical abilities, in a surprising result that certainly paid well to those that bet on such lovely underdogs. It was a victory resulting from absolute dedication to a tactic that made best use of the Achievers' most precious resource - team spirit. As the saying goes, yesterday was a night in which old age and treachery beat youthfulness and skill. And it will be a night to remember.


Bart - and The Dude - abide!

Lebowski faces league leader F.S. United

Lebowski FC will have a steep hill to climb tonight in its attempt to bounce back from an unexpected defeat to FS Blue Lighting last Tuesday. The Achievers will face no one else than the mighty F.S. United, which is the current league leader and beat Code Blue by an astounding score of 12 x 0 in the last round. The game will start at 7:45 pm at the Borchard Community Park. Lebowski, that played its two games on the West Pitch, this time will step onto the East one.

No less than four Lebowski players were injured in the game against FS Blue Lighting. The Vanecko brothers, John and Todd, suffered the most serious wounds will be sidelined for several weeks: John broke a rib, and Todd has a seriously sprained left ankle. Boris "Die Mauer" Jankowski and Bart Sullivan, who were also banged up in that event, were cleared by Dr. Dent to resume activities and will play tonight. The team will also have the reinforcements of Javier and Cesar - unable to play last week due to work commitments. On the other hand, the Lebowski defense will have the absence of Ricardo and Ogo, out in a business trip to Bora Bora.

No matter the result - nor the number of players that end at the emergency room of the Los Robles Hospital & Medical Center - the green-and-yellow nation is invited to congregate at Magoo's after the match. Magoo's, the finest sports bar in Conejo Valley, is located at 722 Wendy Drive, near the 101 overpass.

The round is completed by three other games. At 6:45 pm powerhouse CSC 76 United is expected to onslaught Mac Attack on the East Pitch. At the same time, struggling Code Blue, that conceded 23 goals in two games, will duck against Amgen Eagles - the surprise of the season. Finally, the two co-ed teams of the league, RockStarz and FS Blue Lighting, have a face-off at 7:45 pm.

Lebowski FC x F.S. United
Borchard Community Park - East Pitch
September 22, 7:45 pm

Results, classification and strikers - round 2

Results - round 2 of 10 - September 15th:

Mac Attack	2	x	7	Amgen Eagles
CSC 76 Celtics	8	x	6	RockStarz
Code Blue	0	x	12	F.S. United
Lebowski FC	3	x	5	FS Blue Lighting

Classification - round 2 of 10:

	Team	P	W	D	L	GS	GC	GB
1	F.S. United	6	2	0	0	21	3	+18
2	CSC 76 Celtics	6	2	0	0	22	10	+12
3	Lebowski FC	3	1	0	1	14	7	+7
4	Amgen Eagles	3	1	0	1	8	5	+3
5	RockStarz	3	1	0	1	9	9	0
6	FS Blue Lighting	3	1	0	1	9	17	-8
7	Mac Attack	0	0	0	2	5	16	-11
8	Code Blue	0	0	0	2	2	23	-21

Lebowski FC strikers - after 2 rounds:

Player	Goals
Brian	3
Todd	3
Ricardo	2
Adam	1
Bart	1
Garo	1
John	1
Justin	1
Ogo	1

No temporary replacements, says league

Speaking of behalf of the Conejo Valley Soccer League, Ms. Paula Rossomando clarified that the competition rules do not allow for temporary replacement of players. In an e-mail addressed to the management of Lebowski FC on Friday, Ms. Rossomando wrote "There are NO temporary replacements. Once any of our leagues begin, to add someone to your roster, you will have to take someone off the roster for the remainder of the season."

This prohibition will add further pressure to the Lebowski FC squad in its campaign in the Fall Soccer League. Four green-and-yellow players are currently being treated by Dr. Dent, the team's proctologist: John (broken rib), Todd (sprained ankle), Boris (ripped groin) and Bart (sprained ass - believe it or not). Despite the seriousness of John's injury, its Todd's the one that may handicap the team the most, and it may require the longest recovery time.

Unfortunately these injuries came after a game in which the Vanecko Brothers were amongst the best players in the field. Todd, incidentally, is one of the team's leading strikers; as Brian, Todd scored three goals in Lebowski FC's two first games.

An injurious 3 x 5 against FS Blue Lighting

Lebowski FC had its first loss in the Conejo Valley Fall Soccer League last night, when it was defeated by FS Blue Lighting by the score of 3 x 5. Battling an opponent with much younger and faster players, Lebowski was handicapped by the absence of four of its knights due to work commitments, and lost no less than three athletes in the game due to injuries.

Troubles started even before the game itself: during warm-ups, Boris overextended his right leg when attempting to execute his trademark, ballet-inspired Borischnikov somersault. Despite nasty pains near his, well, precious privates, “Die Mauer” sacrificed himself for the team and lined-up for the kick-off nonetheless.

Already in the first minutes it became clear that the green-and-yellow squad would face a strong challenge. But the Lebowskis were ready for the battle: the arrival of Garo to the midfield much increased the skill level at that sector of the pitch; at the same time Brian and the Vanecko Brothers worked in sync at the front. And after a well-coordinated team action - that started with Ricardo, yesterday playing chiefly in the right sector of the field –, Todd opened the score with a nice cross-kick from the right in the seventh minute.

Unfortunately Boris' groin pains were too much to cope with and he had to leave the field, going home to hug his Steiff teddy bear in the bathtub. The early loss of “Die Mauer” affected the Lebowski defense, and Blue Lighting tied the game soon afterwards.

Things got tougher when Lebowski conceded a second goal: Adam, who was an excellent sweeper in yesterday’s game, was forced to cover the right back as well, playing against two – and sometimes three – attackers at the same time. This left the center defense open, and Blue Lighting got to the net again, turning the table to 1 x 2.

Lebowski tried to come back, playing at the same fast pace as their unfairly young opponents. This tactic backfired: the most senile players started to get tired, and the dangerous dead zone between defenders and midfielders led to scary moments. Speaking of senility, it was then that Sal – in a sheer demonstration of urgent need for geriatric care - made a bizarre error, mistaking a Blue Lighting attacker by Bart and letting him run free along the sideline. The ball was launched to this fellow, who got it on Sal’s back and widened the score to 1 x 3.

A few minutes later Justin received an undeserved yellow card when a Blue Lighting player faked an injury - just as a good scoring opportunity was brewing for Lebowski. Fortunately Todd was able to hit again near the end of the first half, bringing the game to 2 x 3.

Despite the negative first half, the Lebowski players remained confident for the remaining 25 minutes. With Adam having a great night, the Lebowskis took the game in their hands and Garo equalized the score in a beautiful play, in which he passed two Blue Lighting opponents before shooting to the goal.

Shortly later, though, things started to fall apart for our gallant honchos. Enthused by the 3 x 3 on the board, and envisioning a second win in as many games, more and more Lebowski players begun to descend to the attack. That was brave – but rather suicidal. Playing in quick counter-strikes, Blue Lighting scored the fourth goal with relative ease. The maroon team did not relent the pressure – and, attacking fiercely, hit the Lebowski FC posts two times in the space of three minutes.

Oh yeah, it was tough. And it did not help that the #@&^%$[! referee marked a penalty against the green-and-yellows when John touched the ball by the endline. According to the whistleman, John would have done so inside of the arch zone; the older Vanecko argued that the ball had already cross the line, and was outside of the field. This complaint fell on deaf ears, but fortunately the Blue Lighting dude the kicking the penalty managed to miss it (hahahaha!). Such a mistake was received with a deep sigh of relief by our Dan Litts – who, as Garo, made his first outing with our glorious striped jersey last night.

Again there was some hope that the Lebowski team would catch up - but that was tragically dashed when the worst happened: Todd suffered a seriously sprained ankle dicing for the ball with a Blue Lighting defender. With acute pains, the Lebowski FC striker tried to resume playing after taking a few minutes to rest, but that was impossible. Todd’s injuries may actually sideline him for a while, and he may miss the next game because of it. In fact, it transpired after the game that Todd will undergo medical examination by the team proctologist, Dr. Dent, before being cleared to return to the squad.

Losing the youngest Vanecko affected Lebowski FC articulating power. This opened more space to the maroon team, who scored its fifth goal after having missed countless opportunities. The night came to a bizarre close, as Bart sprained his ass in the last minutes of the game. As confirmed today by a special bulletin issued by the FIFA, it was the first time in the history of soccer that a player had a butt contusion in the practice of the beautiful sport. Bart thus joins Boris and Todd in the waiting room of Dr. Dent’s proctology practice.

The final score, 3 x 5, came cheap; a more elastic result in favor of FS Blue Lighting would not have been surprising. The main takeaway is that after winning the first game by a wide margin, Lebowski believed that this one would not be so difficult to put in the bag. Well, not quite. Many lessons were learned yesterday, and yours truly is sure that the mighty gladiators will bounce back with a vengeance against F. S. United next week.

And, if they don’t, it doesn’t really matter. It’s all for fun.

Lebowski FC x FS Blue Lighting

Today (Sep 15th) Lebowski FC faces FS Blue Lighting for the second round of the Conejo Valley Fall Soccer League. The game will be at the West Pitch of the Borchard Community Park - the same one used last week. Game starts at 19h45.

Lebowski FC will be threatened by an additional challenge: no less than four of its players - Cesar, Javier, Ogo and Shane - will not be able to play against FS Blue Lighting. This will demand an extra effort from the other green-and-yellow artists. Also, our opponent is "bitten": FS Blue Lighting lost its inaugural match against CSC 76 Celtics, and will attempt to recoup in the second round against us.

We will make camp along the side line of the West Pitch at 18h30. If possible, please arrive early: the first game, that starts at 18h45, promises to be an epic battle between CSC 76 Celtics and Rockstarz. These teams finished the Summer League in first and second place, and both won their first games this fall.

See you all there!

Team costs

This is the cost of our campaign:

• League registration: USD 298.00 (USD 19.87 per player)
• Uniforms: USD 711.22 (USD 47.41 per player, taxes included)
• Referee fee: USD 120.00 (USD 8.00 per player)

Total: USD 1,129.22 (USD 75.28 per player)

If we decide to establish a "rehydration fund" for water and other beverages (electrolytes, ice tea, etc.) this would be an additional USD 8.00 per person*.

* Assumptions: 1 case of 24 bottles of water, 1 case of 24 bottles of Powerade, 8 games to go (does not include Sep. 15 game), 67% consumption (remaining to be drunk at post-season barbecue).

Strikers - after round 1

Player	Goals
Brian	3
Ricardo	2
Adam	1
Bart	1
John	1
Justin	1
Ogo	1
unknown	1

Results and classification - round 1

Results - round 1 - September 08th:

Amgen Eagles	1	x	3	RockStarz
Mac Attack	3	x	9	F.S. United
CSC 76 Celtics	14	x	4	FS Blue Lighting
Lebowski FC	11	x	2	Code Blue

Classification - round 1 of 10:

	Team	P	W	D	L	GS	GC	GB
1	CSC 76 Celtics	3	1	0	0	14	4	+10
2	Lebowski FC	3	1	0	0	11	2	+9
3	F.S. United	3	1	0	0	9	3	+6
4	RockStarz	3	1	0	0	3	1	+2
5	Amgen Eagles	0	0	0	1	1	3	-2
6	Mac Attack	0	0	0	1	3	9	-6
7	Code Blue	0	0	0	1	2	11	-9
8	FS Blue Lighting	0	0	0	1	4	14	-10

Legend:

P = points

W = wins

T = draws

L = losses

GS = goals scored

GC = goals conceded

GB = goal balance

An alright start - Lebowski FC 11 x 2 Code Blue

What a great way to start the season! In its first game in the Conejo Valley Fall Soccer League, Lebowski FC beat Code Blue by an elastic score, 11 x 2. Our valiant green-and-yellow warriors were not shy facing an opponent penalized by a limited number of replacements, and kept the game under control from the first to the last minute. Good job, guys!

High-fives also to our dedicated supporters, the Lebowski Achievers, who showed up in droves. Thanks for your support, and see you next time.

Below are some pictures courtesy of Anik:

Team shot - standing up: Shane, Todd, Ogo and Ricardo; seating: Boris, Brian, Sal, John and Adam (not all players present are depicted)

Shane "The Annihilator" Williams

Brian scored two beautiful goals in the second half

Sal, Ricardo and Cesar - and no piñatas

Ogo - a giant in the defense and in this picture too - and Adam

Uniforms are here!

The Dude would be proud - we're just missing the robes.

Game location, parking

Games of the Conejo Valley Fall Soccer League are played at the Borchard Community Park. This facility is located at 190 North Reino Road, Newbury Park (at the northeast corner of the intersection between Reino and Borchard).

View Larger Map

Games are played on fields #4 East and #4 West.

Use the Borchard Community Park center parking lot. Do not park off Gerald Drive; in the lack of anything better to do, the jolly constables of the Thousand Oaks Police Department are known to distribute fines to cars parked at Gerald.

Player absences

The following is a list of player planned absences (due to other commitments, working schedule, travel, etc.)

Date	Time	Opponent	Absent players
Sep 08	19h45	Code Blue	Garo, Justin
Sep 15	19h45	FS Blue Lighting	Cesar, Javier, Ogo, Shane
Sep 22	19h45	F. S. United	Ogo, Ricardo
Sep 29	19h45	RockStarz	Ricardo, Sal
Oct 06	19h45	Amgen Eagles
Oct 13	18h45	Mac Attack
Oct 20	19h45	CSC 76 Celtics
Oct 27	18h45	Code Blue
Nov 03	18h45	FS Blue Lighting
Nov 10	18h45	F. S. United

Playing positions

attack	Javier Ricardo Cesar	Garo Adam Brian	Adam Sal Ricardo Garo
midfield	Javier Cesar Ogo Ricardo	Garo Brian Cesar Ogo Sal	Sal Adam Garo Ricardo
defense	Brian Cesar Ogo Javier	Brian Ogo Javier	Adam Sal
	left	center	right

Black and bold: preferred position
Black: second-preferred position
Blue: other positions

Todd, Shane and John are multi-talented players that can do well in any position.

Rules of the game

This is a summary of the rules applied to the Conejo Valley Fall Soccer League. As it is a summary, not all predicaments are listed. Please contact Sal if you have any questions.

1.) The game

- Teams with seven players.

- Two times of 25 minutes, with a five minute break between them

- In case of a tie at the end of regulation time a five minute sudden death overtime will be played. If the score remains tied at the closure of the overtime than the game ends in a tie.

2.) The field

- 70 x 40-yard pitch.

- 9 x 4.5-foot goals with nets,

- 12-foot radius arch centered at middle point of goal line.

- Penalty kick spot located 25 yards from goal line.

3.) The players

- Seven players per team (minimum of five).

- Unlimited number of substitutions. Substitutes may enter the pitch anytime (also during play) and do not need referee authorization to do so, but must enter pitch at the substitution mark (a mark at the side line, near the middle of the pitch).

4.) The rules

- No slide tackling or playing the ball from the ground if another player less than five feet away. Infraction punishable with an indirect kick.

- No offisides

- Field players may act as goalies, but cannot use hands anywhere.

- Players cannot play the ball over the 12-foot arch line or inside the area defined by it. Violation by defending player(s) is punishable by a penalty kick in favor of attacking team. Violation by attacking player(s) is punishable by goal kick in favor of defending team. Players can run through 12-foot arch. Players can stand inside 12-foot arch area.

5.) Equipment

- Molded cleats, turf shoes or tennis are recommended. Metal cleats are prohibited.

- Uniforms are mandatory (jersey only; same color shorts and socks are optional), with 6"-8" permanent numbers on the back.

- Shin guards are required.

6.) Identification

- Players may be required to show authority-issue id (such as driver's license) prior to the beginning of the game.

7.) Other

- Kick-offs, throw-ins and corner kicks as usual.

- Goal kicks must be taken at the end line.

Fall league schedule

This is the schedule of Lebowski FC games in the Conejo Valley Fall Soccer League:

Date	Time	Opponent	Pitch	Lebowski FC
Sep 08	19h45	Code Blue	#4 West	home team
Sep 15	19h45	FS Blue Lighting	#4 West	home team
Sep 22	19h45	F. S. United	#4 East	home team
Sep 29	19h45	RockStarz	#4 East	visitor
Oct 06	19h45	Amgen Eagles	#4 East	home team
Oct 13	18h45	Mac Attack	#4 West	home team
Oct 20	19h45	CSC 76 Celtics	#4 West	visitor
Oct 27	18h45	Code Blue	#4 West	visitor
Nov 03	18h45	FS Blue Lighting	#4 East	visitor
Nov 10	18h45	F. S. United	#4 East	visitor

Jersey numbers

To help the many Lebowski FC supporters to follow our campaign in the upcoming season, these are the numbers of the jerseys worn by our most magnificent players:

2 - Todd

3 - Ricardo

4 - Justin

5 - Sal

6 - Ogo

7 - Cesar

8 - Bart

9 - John

10 - Boris

11 - Garo

12 - Brian

13 - Dan

14 - Adam

15 - Shane

16 - Javier

Uniforms ordered, but no schedule yet

Just wanted to update you guys about two subjects:

1.) Uniforms ordered

Uniforms were ordered yesterday from Custom Soccer Uniforms (http://customsocceruniforms.net). Luckily enough this company is located in Los Angeles, and I will pick them up at the factory on Tuesday (game day).

The original idea was to have a uniform in green (called "forest" by the uniform manufacturer) and cream ("vegas") colors. This was, as you know, a reference to The Dude's favorite consumer goods. Unfortunately such a combination of colors would make the uniform more expensive - and, since I had committed you to a price, I chose to replace the "vegas" by its closest match, yellow. Gentlemen, please spare a moment to picture yourselves - or Bart, more specifically - running through the fields wearing yellow socks, arms up high, reaching for the sky. De-lo-ve-ly.

I'm sure that Cesar, who was dying to play soccer wearing a kit in Brazilian colors, will be delighted by such recent developments.

2.) League schedule

The league schedule was supposed to have been published yesterday, but as of today 7:00 pm it wasn't. I called the Conejo Valley Park Department and they admitted to be late on that.

As soon as I receive the schedule I will share it with you.